by房眉生讲师
母亲姓黄单名励，1935年12月26日生于台湾云林县古坑乡的一户传统农家，十个子女中排行老大。从小就体弱多病致无法下田工作，但仍去卷烟以帮助家计，因是祖母带大故侍祖母至孝。
Huang Li, my mother was born in 1935 in a traditional farm family in central Taiwan. She was the eldest one among her 8 siblings. She has been too ill to work at the farm since she was young. Still she worked at a plant to help her family and respected parents and grandmother.
21岁奉父母命嫁给我爸爸，一个比她大20岁，住遥远的台北市，语言不通的外省籍公务员。我有一个姐姐，两个妹妹，一个弟弟。妈妈是个严肃又疾恶如仇的人，有记忆以来她从来没拥抱或赞美过我们。
My mother was married, following her parents’ order, with a 20-year-older man who lived far away and spoke different language. I have 4 siblings. I don’t recall any hugs or compliments from Mom for she was a serious woman.
有一次我把整壶开水打翻了，被罚跪。可怜的姊姊努力的用抹布擦，可是她却把水直接拧在地板上，这下我在一旁偷笑，换她被妈妈痛骂了。
Once I spilled a pot of boiled water and was punished to kneel. My sister was asked to wipe it. However, she wrenched the water on the floor and was blamed. I was giggling.
她很重视孩子学业，每晚总是盯着我们读书写作业。我小学二年级有一次月考成绩退步到第六名，被她痛打了一顿。当时我读学区外的明星学校北师专附小，要求之严厉可见一斑。爸则扮演慈父，总会参加学校的家长会且买很多课外书鼓励我们看。母严父慈，我们的基础因此打得都不错。
She took our school study seriously and watched us doing homework every night. I was hit badly once my midterm ranking was from the 3rd to 6th place. I was in a famous, competitive school out of our district. On contrary, my father bought us many books and encouraged us to read and joined most of the parents’ events at school. Under their pull and push, we all kept good scores.
妈妈身体一直不好，常住院，肚子开了两次刀。爸爸说第二次(1963年)开刀后，台大医院医生要他带妈回去等时间了，结果奇迹式的活了下来。同年求道后没多久她就改吃素，也许这对她肝、胆等消化系统的宿疾有帮助，否则寿命可能更短。有一次她卧病在床，要姊姊去买成药，没想到久久不回。我出去找，才发现她竟然坐在杂货店门口跟人吃冰棒聊天。我好生气的走过去骂她，并且把她推倒在地，然后掉头就走。邻居伯伯婶婶还问：“这小孩怎么这么凶呀?”我想我的脾气比较像妈妈吧。
My mother had hospitalized often and had two surgeries. My father told us after the 2nd surgery, the doctor asked him to take his wife back for they couldn’t do anything to save her life. Surprisingly my mother survived. She became a vegetarian soon after she received Dao right after the surgery. She then seemed healthier.
除了年龄跟语言的差异，爸妈个性也是迥然不同。曾经看过好几次妈妈很认真的跟爸爸讨论事情，爸要不是相应不理，就是天南地北，牛头不对马嘴的乱扯一通，把妈气炸了。此外爸的风流韵事不少，又经常打麻将打得夜不归营，邻居又都是言语不通的外省人，有事情时真是求助无门，可以想像妈在他乡异地所要忍受的孤寂和委屈。不过爸在家时倒是买菜、烧饭、洗衣，十足的好男人，却带给妈十足痛苦。还好有修女照顾，周末妈都会带我们去教堂做礼拜，前后约两年。
My parents didn’t get along not only because of the culture, language but also value differences. My Dad always hung out and had affairs that brought my mother a lot of pains. But he cooked, washed clothes and took care of children when he was home, like all the good fathers do. Fortunately, the church had comforted her for two years before she received Tao.
1963年冬归宁，小舅带妈去斗六崇修堂求道，同年腊月开法会，明白道之尊贵殊胜，立刻发心精进。陈大姑介绍她跟着台北李前人修办，全心投入而且再也没去过教堂了。这过程好像坛经里提到六祖惠能大师一听闻金刚经就坚心求法，终生以弘法为职志，有些雷同。我应该是没进小学就被妈带去求道了，虽然过程已印象模糊，但回家路上那种雀跃的心情却记忆犹新，也许这就是初发心吧。一贯道 (注1) 教义很重视渡人，妈觉得在眷村 (大安新村) 很难施展，于是1967年举家迁至当时还很偏僻的三峡。
My mother received Dao in 1963 and became very religious right away. It reminds me a similar story of Master Huineng’s pursuing of the truth in a Buddhism book, Tanjing. I still remember the joyful mood after receiving Dao when I was 6 or 7. Introducing Dao to others has been highly emphasized in Yi-Kuan-Dao (**1) so that we moved to Sanxia, a small town in 1967.
爸租了一间很老的日式房屋二楼，我们住进去才听邻居说那房子不平安，前面几任房客都出人命或者生重病才匆匆搬走。妈不信邪，事实上也是没有选择。为了省钱，她把一个房间分租给一对新婚夫妇，没想到住不到一个礼拜，新娘子就因细故口角喝农药自杀，幸亏发现得早，命抢回来了，他们也不敢再住了。
After we moved in to the rented house, neighbors told us it was a haunted house. Many former tenants moved out because of illness or death. Well, we had no choice but stayed. Mom rented a bedroom to a newly wedded couple. The wife committed suicide 7 days after moving in and fortunately she was rescued. They left without hesitation. Nothing happened to us until my sister heard weird noises of steps during the midnight.
我们家人倒是傻人有傻福，感觉不出什么异状。直到有一天，姊姊说前一晚夜里听到异声，有穿木屐的脚步声走上木造楼梯，走过走廊到房门口，开门、关门再走回去。妈妈只斥责她，也不以为意。过几天竟然换妈听到，妈仍认为是太累了，听到的是幻觉而不理它。再过几天楼下邻居问妈说房先生是不是昨晚很晚回来，因为她半夜两、三点在睡梦中被爬楼梯的脚步声吵醒 (我家那时只有爸穿木屐，爬木造楼梯时声音特大)。那不是周末，爸是不可能回来的，当时台北市到三峡的交通很不便，一天也只有一班公路局班车往返。
It sounded like a person who walked through the stairs and hallway, went to the bedroom, opened the door, closed it, turned around and stepped back. Few days later, my mother heard the same noises. In a week or so, my mother was really scared when the down stair tenant told her she was awakened by my father’s steps at the midnight that my father was actually in Taipei office.
当晚妈吓得带我们到隔壁家借宿，隔天一早就匆匆去台北一个神坛问神。神说是大陆祖父母亡灵没人祭拜，跨海找到我们，妈依神指示恭迎祖先牌位回家去供奉，就再也没听到异声了。
We were taken to a neighbor’s home for the night. Mom went to Taipei early in the next morning to a temple. She did as being told to set up a statue at home and pray the spirits of my grandparents. The noise stopped afterwards.
当时两岸无法通邮故无法求证，玄的是后来妈到泰国传教，终于联络上住在南京的叔叔，才发现祖父母真的是那时间之前去世的。1990年初我陪爸爸回老家江苏省宝应县乡下祭祖坟，才发现文革 (始于1966年) 时坟墓都被铲平，而且的确没有子孙还祭拜祖先了。这也是我一生当中遇到的第一桩灵异事件。
We couldn’t verify by mail with the relevants in China for the political confrontation until Mom visited Thailand for Dao propagation. Mom then contacted my uncle in Nanjing, China and found my grandparents died before the above period of the weird event.
在这事之后妈也立刻设了佛堂，一方面求平安一方面可以渡人。设立佛堂后妈更积极投入修道办道的圣业，每日礼佛诵经，逢人就渡，街仿邻居几乎每户都去渡化。只要有人可以渡，就算住山区，妈也会背着我弟弟，还要带奶瓶尿布，跋涉险峻前往，往返往往耗时整日。为了渡人，妈也曾帮人工作，以争取对方时间去佛堂。子女等不到妈妈回家，只好常吃对面卖的酱菜。
Mom set up a family temple at home later and became more religious. She introduced Dao to everybody she knew and did whatever she could whenever others needed help to get to the temple. She carried my younger brother with diaper and milk, walked hours to mountain area or did others’ work to save their time. We bought preserved food from a neighbor when Mom didn’t cook for us.
大约我读六年级时，有一次妈带人来家里求道。警察来抓人 (一贯道当时在台湾尚未开放)，妈妈勇敢承担，要求警方放了其他人，结果她被拘留一日。第二天报纸登出了这则消息，报导说我家是鸭蛋教邪教，男女杂居、裸体膜拜。我很确信当天没有记者去我家，我家也绝没发生上述情况，新闻稿一定是警局给的政府打压的制式化说法。当时很多一贯道信徒被取缔，新闻报导都是千篇一律的说法。事实上我妈是被依违警罚法里的非法聚会裁罚拘留的，当时非亲属关系三人或三人以上，聚在私人场所就叫聚会，依法要事先报请地方警局许可。这事让我从此对媒体报导的正确性存疑，也了解到政府迫害的可恶。从此再也不轻易让人知道我是一贯道，中午在学校吃便当总是半遮掩着，很快吃完，深怕同学发现我吃素。吃素常被与一贯道画上等号的。
When I was grade 6, the police officers arrested my mother for she invited people to our family temple to study Dao. Mom was taken into custody for one night. A newspaper reported that a bad religion make followers pray nakedly, males and females gathering together. However, I didn’t see any reporter at my place on the day. The absolute government controlled the media then. What a historical tragedy! After that, I hesitated to admit my religion and being a vegetarian for most of the vegetarians in Taiwan are Yi-Kuan-Dao followers.
这件事非但没击倒妈，她反而更精进。没想到此后警方常登门查，乡下地方又保守，难免被邻居指指点点，带来不少困扰，遂于1971年迁居中和。意外的是中和管区警察在我们家具都还没卸完就来访了，还好此后查访频率不高，社会大众对一贯道也比较了解了，妈总算可以心无旁鹜的投入。
That didn’t bother my Mom at all. However, police office’s frequent visits did give her a hard time. We then moved to Zhunghe City in 1971. Out of the blue, the local police officer came while we were still offloading the furniture. Fortunately they didn’t come often and the misunderstanding was getting less in the community.
约在我高一时遇到了另一个灵异事件。妈妈渡了一个也是只身嫁到台北的儿时玩伴H妈妈，也许是时间上的巧合，H妈妈求道后一段时间竟然精神异常了，她白天似乎正常但到了夜里就念念有词，情况越来越严重。她先生是军人，带她去许多军医院都诊断不出毛病。妈妈一心想帮她就把她接到家里，因为家里有佛堂。
When I was grade 10, we encountered a mystery. Mom introduced Dao to Mrs. H and she became mental disordered after a period of time. She seemed normal at daytime. Her husband took her to many hospitals and couldn’t identify the illness. Mom took her to our home for she thought the temple could comfort her.
那是我第一次看到她，大约150 公分、不到40公斤、脸色极差、印堂跟眼框发黑带青，很虚弱。当天吃完晚餐H妈妈就去房间休息，但快夜晚11点时她发作了，坐在床上自言自语，后来我们约莫听出来她说她被H妈妈的前世杀害，如今H妈妈求道了，将来回了天她就找不到报仇的对象了，所以要她立刻偿命!我们真的吓傻了，不知如何是好，妈不知哪来的勇气，竟然开始跟她对话，大意是要她放过H妈妈，她去发动道亲努力渡人、做功德回向给她。
When I first saw Mrs. H, she was pale and weak, 150cm height, 40Kg weight. She seemed turning into another person around 11:00 PM. She said Mrs. H killed her in their past live so she wanted to revenge this time. Mom tried hard to negotiate with her with an offer doing good things for her. However, there was no response.
不过对方不大理会，只顾念她的。后来妈就威胁要去佛堂烧香，请诸天菩萨来赶她走，她仍是不理。等妈真的点佛灯要烧大把香时，我永远记得她发出了极凄厉的叫吼声，快速冲过去要把香夺下来，我们五个小孩使尽吃奶力气才勉强把她拉住。她变得力大无穷，跟白天时真是判若两人。
My mother then threatened her that she would go to the temple and burn incenses so that Buddhas would come to drive her away. While Mom was burning the incenses, she shouted scarily and made a sudden thrust to my Mom. We, 5 kids pulled very hard to stop her and found she was so strong at the nighttime.
抢香受阻，H妈妈显得很落寞的回去房间，又坐在床沿开始念了起来。妈烧完香叩完头又去跟她谈，菩萨似乎没把她赶走，她却也不再那么凶猛激动。这样折腾了一夜，东方天际刚开始变白时，她突然奋力冲向窗户。这回可是加上妈妈，大伙儿好不容易才合力把她拉住，可是纱窗已被她冲出个洞来了，可见冲击力道之大。这时她似乎也恢复正常，很疲倦的睡去。妈妈再也不敢让她住家里了，因为我家是住公寓四楼，要是真给她冲下去一定没命。
She then went back to sit on the bed disappointedly and talked to herself again. Seemed Buddhas didn’t drive her away, but she was much calmed down. Unexpectedly she thrust into the window at dawn. Again we, 5 kids pull her back hard, with my mother this time. The screen window was broken. She finally seemed recovered and fell asleep later. Mom escorted her back to her home due to the safety concern. Our condo was at 4th floor.
根据妈的说法，那之后妈发动许多道亲渡人、吃素、念经、做功德来回向给她的冤欠，而H妈妈病情也慢慢缓和终至痊愈。我后来再看到H妈妈时，她变成白白胖胖，至少有六十几公斤，直到今天她仍很诚心在道场帮办。三、四年后，我在新竹道场竟然遇到一个L大姐也有非常类似的经历，只是这两个案例当事人都很低调，而且不大愿意再提起过往。
My mother encouraged people to do good things for her, chanting Buddhism books, having vegetarian food, introducing Dao to others and making donations. She gradually recovered. When I saw her again few years later, she was happy, healthy and 60 Kg weight. She has devoted herself to Dao since then. I met female Dao follower who suffered the similar experience when I went to the university in Hsinchu City 3 years later. But they don’t seem comfortable to mention their bad dream.
妈妈此后足迹遍布台北县市，台北市、三峡、中和、永和、三重、土城都有她渡的道亲设立的佛堂。1973年领点传师命，道务益是宏展。妈修办道的精神是令人感佩的，例如她为了要诵经、讲道而勤学，短短的时间从大字识不得几个变成可以读报纸的程度。因为她每天一大早都会诵心经、清静经、弥勒真经，所以这几部经我是先熟悉台语版。
Mom introduced so many followers to receive Dao. They set up more than 30 family temples in Taipei County. She became Dao transmittance master in 1973. Mom couldn’t read for she only went to school for two years. She studied Confucius and chanted Buddhism books so hard so that she can read newspaper.
为了省一段公车票，她总是提早两站下车步行回家。有一次夜归遇到抢匪，她死命抱住皮包不放，皮包带子都扯断了，她也被抢匪推倒并在地上拖行而伤痕累累，不过皮包总算是保住了。事后她说她的命不值钱，皮包里有众生的功德费才重要。
In order to save money, she always got off the bus two stops earlier. Once a man tended to rob her purse by violence. She fought with the man hard and was wounded to keep the purse. She walked back and told us there was donation money in her purse which she treasured more than her own life.
她也定期去基隆重刑犯监狱阐道，那是个大家视为畏途的地方，她非但去，还要求不隔着栅栏与犯人们近距离布道，许多人因而感动。典狱长也屡颁奖状，妈的告别式还送挽联。妈曾说就是别人不敢去，她才有机会去那里。众生都是善良的，还要媳妇陪她去唱圣歌，但我太太终究没去。
She went to a jail where important criminals stayed to preach religion routinely. Many were touched. The warden gave Mom awards for appreciation.
这时的妈妈心中只有道，心里想的、嘴巴说的、一切的作为都是。我之前还住家里时，我们如果在看电视，一听到楼梯间脚步声，知道妈回来了，大伙儿立刻关电视闪人。妈进门都会先去摸电视，如果发现是热的，就会唠叨我们。她总是说时间用来读书、学道都不够用了，怎么还看电视?而且看了还会着迷，会迷失自性。
All she thought, all she said and all she did were Dao. When we heard voices of steps, we quickly turned off the TV and ran. Mom always checked the temperature of the TV to see if we were watching. If it was still hot, she would nag us not to waste time for nonsense. Watching TV made us lost ourselves.
后来我成家住在新竹，放假回去时妈却总是为道务奔忙，所以跟妈一年难得碰几次面。她偶而来新竹，见面没聊几句 (都是她最近道场所见所闻或讲经说法，几乎从不话家常)，就会问有没有人可以去渡，如果回答没有，她就会立刻赶回台北忙她的道务去了。
After I settled down in Hsinchu City, I rarely met her. She paid us visit few time a year. Every time she came, she asked if there were anyone she could introduce Dao to. She rushed back for Dao activities if the answer was no.
妈妈的宿疾一直还在，经常辗转难耐、痛楚不堪。但办道、成全道亲时却精神奕奕，舌灿莲花，经常讲道讲整天，讲到深夜。走路是健步如飞，连年轻人都赶不上。C兄夫妇就常等妈道场忙完，载她回家后目睹她的痛楚。也常帮她刮沙、按摩，常刮到全身紫一块、青一块，甚是严重。劝她去看医师、休养，她总是以没钱没闲，且众生需要她而拒绝。
The illness that had bothered her since she was young was still there. She seemed well when she engaged with Dao related activities. It was another matter when she went back home. Mr. and Mrs. C knew that quite well and tried to convince her to go to see a doctor. She answered she was too busy to see a doctor. Besides, she had no money.
一贯道教义强调渡人，且鼓励到陌生的地方甚至国外开展道务，称做开荒。对面邻居提到她有亲戚住泰国，妈就要她写信联络，积极计划要去开荒。尚未收到对方回信，只因仙佛指示：“到地就是路”，1979年一行四人加起来约200岁，别说英文连中文字都识不得几个，就飞往泰国曼谷。神奇的是观音菩萨托梦给当地华侨杨大姑，让她在梦境中看到四人的穿着、长相，并且告诉她这四个台湾来的太太能让她超生了死，要她在某个时间去机场接人。杨大姑因为笃信观音，就依指示前往机场，果然见到四人。杨大姑因而成为妈去泰国渡的第一人，且设了第一支佛堂。这正是一贯道中所谓的天人共办，只要诚心仙佛真会显灵帮助。几年后我奉派独自到日本、美国出差。一路吃足身处异乡，言语不通的苦头，更佩服妈当年的勇气。
Yi-Kuan-Dao urges disciples to propagate Dao to foreign countries. Mrs. H, our neighbor said one of her relatives lived in Thailand. Mom set out on a journey with three senior women even they hadn’t received responding mail from Thailand. (**1) Auntie Y had a dream the night before Mom arrived. In the dream, Guanyin Buddha told her to look for the four ladies from Taiwan for receiving Dao so that her soul would be saved and back to heaven. Following the instruction, she found them at the airport. Then the very first family temple in Thailand was set up at her place. Few years later, I made my first business trip by myself to Japan and US. I realized and admired my Mom’s courage.
现泰国道务宏展，妈渡了一个华侨献地盖了白阳圣宫，非常宏伟庄严。规模之大据说曾开过班员六百人的法会(连办事、服务人员恐逾千人)。1990年韩老前人去主持开光仪式，据说泰皇还亲赴机场迎接。妈曾说她在泰国常去度寺庙的住持，一度成住持就会要全寺上百名和尚一起求道。听说泰国男子出家两年就可以免除兵役，所以寺庙和尚较多。
Now a day, the Dao community is so large in Thailand. For my mother’s sake, someone donated and constructed a huge temple that can serve 1000 people event. When our Lao-Qian-Ren went host the opening ceremony, the King of Thailand met him at the airport. Mom told me that even many monks received Dao.
有一个妈妈渡的同窗本在天母帮佣，后随雇主移居美国纽约，老前人巡行时开下同化、张氏二支佛堂。1985年妈准备去纽约协助开展道务，行前老毛病又犯了，医师检查发现胆囊肿大而建议开刀，妈只一句机票已订，众生圣业重要，就抱病赴美。这趟美国行让她吃足苦头，当时是严冬，妈根本没准备足够的御寒衣、鞋。渡人不易，物价又高，为避免带给坛主过多负担，她咬着牙忍着酷寒、病痛，一面打工，一面渡人成全人。可能就是这趟美国行，为她本就多病的身体雪上加霜，导致无以挽回的伤害
In 1985, before Mom’s trip to New York where her follower set up a family temple, doctor suggested her for an operation. She didn’t reschedule for she was desperate for Dao. It was a cold winter. Mom suffered a lot for she not only introduced Dao but also went to work in the cold to keep from bringing too much burden to her follower. Her health became worse.
1989年妈赴大陆南京开荒，设立王氏、周氏佛堂。我的叔叔跟小姑妈住南京，这两处佛堂就是我堂姐的家。有一次一个新求道者刚回去又折返，问为何道路漆黑而明师一指点处竟放光芒，经解说后满心欢喜，相约来年设佛堂，孰料竟成诀别。随即转往武汉，经一阿婆哀求又设一临时佛堂。同年又转赴泰国、日本办道，忍着溽暑、饥饿、病痛，鞠躬尽瘁。在泰国时有一次从公车门跌落，仍忍着痛继续行程。泰国幅员辽阔，出外要找素食不易，往往一天就靠一个馒头打发。而且每天行程满档，跟去的道亲都觉得吃不消。这正是妈办道的精神。
She went to Nanjing, China and set up two family temples at my relatives’ places in 1989. A new Dao receiver went back and turned around. She asked why the light came out from the heavenly portal at the dark night? She promised to set up a temple a year later happily when hearing the explanation. Mom then flew to Wuhan and set up another family temple. She continued her journey to Japan, Thailand with a very tight schedule and limited food (because of the inconvenience of vegetarian). Everyone following her was exhausted and barely endured. That was exactly Mom’s spirit on Dao.
1990年1月我的三女儿诞生，妈很高兴的赴新竹为媳妇做月子。妈非但不会遗憾我们有三个女儿而没有儿子，反而安慰我们说女儿好，女儿孝顺而且会修道。我们甚至在她的要求下请了弥月酒，虽然我们没收礼，但我总觉得生老三还劳动亲友，不好意思。但她的用心是要和众生结善缘，而且是真心的疼爱这个新生命。在妈的坚持和细心照料下月子做了四十天，天天生化汤、全米酒熬的补汤，又帮baby洗澡，忙得不亦乐乎。一有空她就会和媳妇聊天，谈她一生的起伏、心路历程、道务计划，有时似乎在交代后事。例如她说小弟以后要娶一个会听大嫂话的女人，听不听她的话不重要等等。满月后一次她回台北办道，说好隔天回来，没想到她竟连夜风尘仆仆赶回来，看得我们好不忍心。事后才知道这时的她已是癌症末期，生命只剩三个月，真是不胜唏嘘。
She went to Hsinchu to help us when my wife gave birth to the 3rd daughter in Jan. 1990. In Chinese culture, people feel sorry if you don’t have son. My mother comforted us happily and told us girls are sweat and willing to cultivate. She really took very good care of my wife and the new baby for 40 days. Once she told us she wouldn’t come back at the night for a Dao business in Taipei. However, she came back unexpectedly and looked so tired at midnight. We were so touched and sorry, and even felt heart broken when she passed away three months later.
三月初在内湖办道时，竟病痛致无法念完表文，办完道随即由后学送至医院。经诊断确认是胰脏癌末期且已转移至肺、肝等器官，在医师建议下我把母亲接回新竹的家中休养。马偕医院的医师还影印病历给我带回去，告诉我胰脏癌是最痛的癌，等她痛得受不了了就去署立新竹医院找医师开吗啡，再找护士到家里帮她打。事实上妈一直到归空都没打吗啡，也不像医师讲的那么痛苦，而且只在我家静养十七天就归空。或许冥冥之中老天保佑，积德的人受苦自然较少。有个同事说他母亲因不能忍受骨癌的痛，先吞安眠药自杀获救，再跳楼死亡。
At the beginning of March 1990, she was too sick to read the heavenly table at a temple in Taipei. She was hospitalized and found last phase cancer. The doctor suggested us to take her back. He kindly gave me her anamnesis copy and asked me to show that to the local doctor for final stage treatment, such as morphine. Actually she didn’t take any morphine until she died 17 days later. Thank God that she didn’t suffer too much pain, for a long time. It could be to do with her cultivation. One of my colleagues told me his mother committed suicide twice for the pain of bone cancer.
妈在新竹静养时我弟妹轮流请假来照顾她，妈不只一次自责平日因道场忙而疏于关照子女，却又生病拖累子女，觉得很对不起我们，说着说着还会难过到掉下泪来。一次弟弟开我的车载她去台中看中医，回程因无法控制而弄污轿车座椅，我下班回家她竟向我道歉。当时我心里真的很难受，妈都已经病成这样了为什么还跟我道歉？何况车子坐垫洗洗就好又不是什么大不了的事。如果您还记得我如何描述我母亲的性情，您就会发现她的转变有多大。妈去世前几年变得非常慈悲，话语非常柔软，事事都是替他人着想。这是道场的造就，是非常难能可贵的(见附注)。古人说：“江山易改，本性难移。”就是说明改变个性的困难，而她做到了，不管是在人前或是在人后！
When she was in Hsinchu from hospital, my siblings took turn to take care of her. She sobbed and said sorry to us for she was too busy to take good care of us because of Dao. Once my brother drove my new car and took her to a Chinese medicine. She couldn’t control her stomach and dirtied my car seat on their way back. She said sorry to me when I got back from work. I was so sad that my mother apologized to me for a tedious thing when she was so ill. If you remember how I described my mother, you’ll learn how much she has changed. She was so nice, gentle and thoughtful in the years before she died. It’s hard for human to change personality or temper. But Mom made it honestly, from the deepest part of her heart.
归空前一夜，我照例下班回家就向她请安，她竟跟我说济公老师很慈悲，来到她床边跟她聊天。我心中一惊，莫非母亲真的病入膏肓，神智不清了？但她叫我们名字，跟我们说话却显得很清醒。我就问她老师跟你说什么？她回答：“天机不可泄漏，你走开，不要吵。”并且转身不理我，我于是回房休息。第二天一大早我又去给她请安，问她昨夜睡得如何？她说济公老师好慈悲，赐她整夜不痛，并跟她彻夜畅谈。我问她谈什么？她又说天机不可泄漏。平时因为会痛，她总是转转反侧，时睡时呻吟，但那一夜她真的整夜都没呻吟，而且当天早上跟我们讲话显得神志很清明。
On the day before she died, she told me Jigong Buddha came to her and chatted with her after I got back from work. I was so nervous and afraid if Mom was out of her mind for the sickness. But she could name everyone correctly and talked with us as usual. I asked what they had been talking. She said it was confidential and asked me to leave her alone. I went to see her on the next morning. She told me Jigong Buddha chatted with her all night and removed her sore for the whole night. Indeed she didn’t moan that was the first time she could sleep well the whole night. Again I asked what had they talked and she replied it was confidential. She didn’t seem out of her mind. I even thought she was getting better from the Chinese medicine.
我以为母亲病情因为中药偏方好转了，但那天上午我心情却很乱，我还跟办公室助理讲我怎么连平常经常做的事也做错(也许这就是母子连心吧)？没想到十点多就接到家里电话说妈情况不好，于是匆匆赶回家，当时只一心想送她去医院急救，看能不能延长她的时间。在征得她同意后，我们叫了救护车把她送到医院，没想到一到医院她问了一句：“凤英(我旅居美国的大姐，是唯一妈临终前没见最后一面的孩子)在哪里？”就再也没睁开眼睛了。接下来医师的急救对她真是折磨，看得我好不忍，终于医师宣布放弃了，妈走了！时间是1990年4月19日(农历三月二十四日)午时，得年五十七。
I was anxious and distracted on the morning at the office. My assistant received a call and informed me that my Mom was at critical condition. I rushed home and sent her to the hospital under her consent. Unfortunately she asked where my elder sister was and then never opened her eyes right after arrived at the hospital. I lost my mother under doctor’s cruel emergency treatment at noon, 19th April, 1990, 57-year-old.
我事后回想净土法门修持方法，益发觉得她临终前讲述济公老师亲临接引的事是很有意义的。阿弥陀经就讲到阿弥陀佛发下宏愿要济度娑婆世界众生，只要众生相信他，一直念佛号念到临终时还一心不乱，阿弥陀佛就会率诸天善神菩萨现身，接引这位众生往生西方极乐世界。在那里继续修行，受佛力加被，境界永不退转。所以净土修仕无不佛号不离口，就是希望临终能看到阿弥陀佛现身，而也有一些应验报导。妈妈真的是被恩师接回理天的，不枉她精进修持这么多年。
The significance of seeing Jigong Buddha can be confirmed with the cultivation of Jingtu, a branch of Buddhism. In A-Mi-Tuo-jing, a famous Buddhism book, disciples were taught to chant A-Mi-Tuo Buddha’s name repeatedly. The Buddha will come to escort the disciple to Western Paradise should he (she) keeps a peaceful, calm mind and chants the name when dying. What they pursue is seeing A-Mi-Tuo Buddha when dying. My mother did see Jigong Buddha when dying.
办完丧事，我曾跟同事聊到这事。一位W姓同事说他的父亲死于胃癌。往生前几天的一个下午，在医院病床上把趴在一旁小憩的太太摇醒，说他看到死去多年的亲哥哥，在病房门口跟他笑，跟他招手。他责怪太太没招呼他哥哥进来喝杯水，就让他走了。他太太听了嚎啕大哭说：“你快死了，才会看到去世多年的亲人。”他还责怪他太太乱说，他才开完刀不久，医师告诉他情况很好，没想到隔没几天真的就走了。这位同事大学时跟我同届同校，他念清大物理，我则读材料系。当时是跟我同一部门，之后旅居美国，在加州矽谷高科技公司工作。
As I mentioned the above to my colleagues, Mr. Wang told me his father died of stomach cancer. Few days before he died, he saw his brother who passed away years ago. He blamed his wife for not serving his brother a cup of tea when he waved hand right out of the door. It was daytime. Wang currently works in high-tech industry in Silicon Valley, US. We used to go to the same university, majored in science.
另一位H姓女同事则说她爷爷的往生故事给大家听。她说她的八字很轻，所以常会看到、听到奇怪的东西。她爷爷去世前一周，某个深夜里，她忽然被铁链在地上拖的声音惊醒。她卧房的窗外就是马路，她听到两个人在她窗外对话，一个说：“是这间。”一个说：“不对！是隔壁。”隔天她就听说隔壁的老先生去世了。再过了约一个礼拜，又是半夜三更，又是铁链在地上拖的声音，她吓得用棉被把头蒙住直发抖。好不容易挨到天亮，到爷爷房间一看，爷爷已经走了，而且平常需要别人翻身拍背的中风老人，死时竟会摔到床下，令人不解。
Miss Ho, another colleague told us her grandpa’s story. A week before her grandpa died, she heard noises of steel chain pulled on the ground from the window right next to the road at the midnight. The two men talked. “This is it!” “No, it should be the next door.” She heard an old man next door died on the 2nd morning. A week later she heard the same noises at midnight again. She hid herself in the bed frighteningly and shivered until dawn the second morning. Her grandpa fell into floor and died that night. It’s hard to imagine that her grandpa could hardly move because of a bad stroke.
其实类似的说法早有所闻，而且流传甚广。只是这几则发生在我妈妈身上，还有由同事口中说出，对我而言印象较深刻罢了。另外隔壁的Y太太几乎在同一时间失去公公。她亲口告诉我们她觉得在乡下她公公的灵堂阴森森，她连单独去拜饭都不敢。夜里狗叫声凄厉可怕，她也不敢在那里过夜。回到家，卧房就紧邻我妈妈灵堂，夜里睡觉却很安稳，也不觉得我们家阴森，反而觉得很温馨、很暖和。这一切让我蛮相信人死后的去处跟死前看到或显现的景象很有关系。
I’ve heard many similar stories. But what happened to my Mom and my close partners impressed me more. Another little story was from the next door neighbor, Mrs. Yang. Almost at the same time, her father-in-law passed away when my mother died. She told us the atmosphere was cold and scary at her father-in-law’s place. She didn’t dare to sleep there for the night. On contrary, her bedroom at home was right next to the temporary auditorium where my mother’s coffin was. She could sleep well. She even said that our home was warm and peaceful. From the above, I believe where people’s souls go is strongly relevant to what people see when dying.
在我们强忍悲伤，送妈妈遗体回家后，就照长辈、道亲的交代轮流在她身旁诵经，金刚经、心经还有弥勒真经，并且不能哭以免她不舍而走不开，忍不住时就躲开去哭一下。妻忙着张罗寿衣、灵堂，我一一联络舅舅、阿姨及道场前辈。我们都观察到妈的表情由痛苦渐转为安祥，连她平日双眉间凹陷的两道皱纹都快消失不见了。从归空直到第二天晚上八点左右大敛前，她身体一直都是很柔软的，这完全应验了道场的说法：“我们求道后只要记住三宝，并且不做反道败德的事，归空后就会身软如棉、面容栩栩如生，冬不挺尸、夏不腐臭。”请看以下照片，我们依道场习俗，大敛前扶她坐莲花座。那时母亲已去世约30小时，面容祥和且身体是柔软的，我们得扶着，免得她的头、手滑下。由于身体太软，葬仪社派来两名大汉竟无法抬起妈移入棺木，而请我们帮忙。这情形连我们雇请的葬仪社老板都啧啧称奇，说他卖棺木30多年没见过这瑞兆奇迹，并且说妈一定修得非常好。
After we escorted Mom’s body back home, we chanted Buddhism books, Jin-Gang-Jing, Xin-Jing and Mi-Le-Zhen-Jing as per the elders’ request. We were also asked not to cry next to her, otherwise her spirit would hesitate to leave. If we could not hold it, went away. I observed that my mother’s expression turned from painful to peaceful. Her deep wrinkles between eyebrows were almost gone. Her body never turned stiff even when we moved it into the coffin around 30 hours after she died. Rigor mortis didn’t seem applied to her. Her peaceful expression and her soft body are the best witness of what we have been taught in Yi-Kuan-Dao. Please see the picture that we held her body to sit on a chair right before moved into the coffin. Two men from the funeral company couldn’t hold her body because of the softness. Their boss was so amazed and said he never saw anyone like that in his 30 years funeral career. He believes Mom must have cultivated well.
从妈就医，归空到告别式，道亲的真诚哀悼跟协助真是令人感动。出殡前灵堂搭在户外车库，由于正值梅雨季，那年尤其雨大风强，道亲们自动分组轮流下班后从台北南下守灵。有一位Y妈妈更是住在我家，烧菜、打扫，直到告别式那天才回去。一度我们夫妻俩还在担心她会跟我们要多少工资？也有从各地来的道亲团体，专程来为妈妈诵经回向。众道亲的不舍与感恩在告别式那天更是展露无遗。当天来了约三百多人，记得在移灵柩上车时，竟有数十个道亲披麻带孝下跪，并且痛哭流涕，一如丧失自己的母亲。当时我颇不解，在往后与他们接触中，才听到好多令人感动的我母亲帮助他们的故事。
Dao disciples’ royalty and help are touching. They took turn to keep vigil beside the coffin every night from 1.5 hours distance. Besides, it was the raining season. They had to stay at the outdoor temporary auditorium in the windy, heavy rain and cold weather. Mrs. Yang moved to our place and took care of every thing like a housemaid voluntarily after Mom died. My wife and I was worried how much she would charge us after the funeral. They also gathered at the auditorium and chanted Buddhism books for Mom. I didn’t understand why many of them burst into tears sadly when the coffin was loaded into the truck at the funeral. Later I learned that Mom had done so much favor to them. In their mind, my mother is just like their true mother, especially in spiritual point of view.
其中令我印象最深的是一位C兄亲口告诉我他自己浪子回头的故事。我妈妈先在道场认识他太太，知道他太太很辛苦做工养育三个孩子，先生却沉迷赌博，沾染许多坏习惯，并且到处逞凶斗狠，弃家庭于不顾。妈妈认为要帮这位太太，就非渡她先生不可，但每次去找他都吃闭门羹。直到有一次台风天，妈冒着大风雨去找他，全身淋成落汤鸡。C兄看了很感动，他心想：“这个老太太子女都成家立业了，大可在家含饴弄孙，况且我身无分文又无恶不作，她图我什么？姑且跟她去一次佛堂看看，如果有什么不合我意的，我就把佛桌掀了。”没想到却蛮受感动，之后就常去佛堂听讲，不久就把一切恶习全戒了，变成认真工作又顾家的好爸爸，甚至买了一辆轿车接送妈妈办道。也是他夫妻俩跟妈常相处，才了解到妈出门办道，拼劲十足，其实身子骨全是病。也目睹妈经常一盘高丽菜打发一餐，只为了省钱。更见识到妈对钱财公私分明，因而对妈妈既感恩又敬佩。
One of the most touching stories was told by Mr. Cheng. His wife received Dao first. She was so miserable that she had to raise three kids by her own while her husband was gambling, alcoholic and screwed around. Mom decided to move her husband by Dao to save her family. He had not allowed my mother get in to his place for so many times until Mom visited him on a big typhoon day. He looked at the soaking wet old lady and wondering what the lady wanted from a poor, devil and irresponsible man. He then made up his mind to give the lady one chance and followed my mother to the temple. He told himself to flip the pray table over if there were anything against his idea. Unexpectedly he was touched and started his new life afterwards, a good husband, employee and father. He even bought car so that he could give my mother drives when she went out for Dao propagation. Mr. and Mrs. Cheng have appreciated and respected my mother so much since they saw Mom eat single dish for saving money, devote herself to Dao desperately under her bad health, and handle disciples’ donation righteously.
一贯道道亲如果诚心修办，归空后百日可以由点传师代家属请求举行结缘仪式，归空者可藉由开沙的方式与家属、道亲结缘。一九九○年六月十八日，奉老前人、前人之命，于台北县土城玄恩坛举行结缘仪式。玄恩坛是妈妈跟所属道亲创建的公共佛堂，他们买了连着三栋顶楼的公寓，再将佛堂搭建在屋顶，约可容纳三、四百人。当天有子女、高雄 (台湾南部大城，从新竹去约四小时车程)亲戚、中部道亲、北部道亲约三百多人与会。我有五个舅舅、三个阿姨，其中只有三阿姨在道场修办。中部道亲指的是来自妈故乡云林县的发一崇德道场；北部道亲则是来自发一灵隐寺道场。妈求道是在斗六崇修堂由陈大姑点道，但当时大姑在北部没有道场，所以由大姑亲手写信介绍妈去台北市找李奶奶修办。李奶奶现已成道为文慈菩萨，发一灵隐寺就是她当初创设的道场。我要强调的是这些群体间彼此并不熟识，三才则是由土城道亲当天一大早赴台中接来，跟大家都不认识。
In Yi-Kuan-Dao, a religious disciple’s family can apply to hold a ceremony meeting his (her) soul 100 days after he (she) passed away. On 18 June, 1990, under Lao-Qian-Ren’s blessing, more than 300 people gathered for the ceremony at the public temple in Tu-Cheng City that my mother and other disciples built. Those people are my relatives, Dao disciples from northern, central and southern Taiwan and foreign countries. Those groups are not familiar with each other, not mentioning the three young ladies (San-Cai, similar with psychic **2) who were picked up by Taipei disciple in the morning from 2.5 hours away in Taichung.
当天藉由三才批的结缘训中指出妈证得慈恩大仙果位，并且点出六十一个人名代表、或感谢、或叮咛、或期许。名字、身分、在不在场都正确无误。这六十一个人名排列顺序先是道亲，后是亲戚。道亲中先是讲师、讲员，后是坛主、办事员。亲戚中先是儿女、未亡人，后是兄弟姊妹及其眷属。同样身分的人名都放在一起，最后则是国外道场。这些绝不是在场任何人做得到的。除了妈妈，没有人认得所有的这六十一个人。三才更是断无可能，就算要背，也不可能在这么短的时间内做到 (仪式在三才到场后约一个小时左右开始)。
My mother’s spirit then wrote a book by the three ladies, San-Cai. In this book, 61 names were addressed, with correct name, role, present or not, category and order. Those 61 people belong to different group. No one else could possibly do that except my mother. The ceremony was held in an hour after San-Cai arrived. They won’t remember this many in such a short time.
文中并且点出几件不为人知的秘密。例如：
“因果解孝媳儿送我入医 这因果方了断消众罪愆”是有这么一段故事的：
妈被接到新竹后，阿姨、舅舅们还有许多跟着妈修办的道场长辈都来探望她，临走都再三交代不能让妈在外面归空，否则她的灵魂会找不到归处而到处漂泊。但我们没做到，我好后悔把妈送去急诊室做最后的急救。医师的急救带给她的折磨、救护车的警笛声、妈说最后一句话的容颜至今仍一幕一幕，历历在目。这件事只有我们兄弟姊妹知道，没人敢跟长辈说，其实也觉得没必要，结缘训却批出来了。事后舅舅问我，我只好招了。
There are some rarely known stories mentioned in the book. For example, we called the ambulance to take my Mom to the hospital’s emergency room when she is dying. She died at the hospital that was against our uncles, aunts and the senior disciples’ order. Ancient Chinese culture believes the souls will be wandering if people die out of their houses. We didn’t mean to disobey the seniors and didn’t dare to tell them the truth. But the book tells everything. Actually I frankly regretted that it happened that way. The tortures brought to Mom when doctor doing emergency rescue, the sirens, the expression Mom saying the last words have been on my mind like it just happened yesterday.
“转笔唤WF呀速速来前 尽心办我之心你要体参
在世时对你说过领点传 已过去种种事切记莫谈”这段也有个故事：
妈自从出国开荒后就常往国外跑，国内道务极为缺人照顾，于是物色人选准备提拔为点传师。当时一度要找WF，然以其家庭因素而作罢。为恐走漏消息，造成无谓的困扰，这件事进行得很保密，最后提拔了一位林点传师。结缘仪式后，灵隐寺中心领导群之一的H点传师校稿时，还以为是三才听错，造成“林”误植为“领”，故而改为“林”，显然连H点传师都不知此事。最后H点传师把稿件交给妈身边的资深道亲做最后确认时，才被指出那个字的确是“领”。一字之差，却让吾人确认仙佛借窍果然不假。况且成大仙自是觉性圆满，如果那个字是“林”，岂不有拨弄是非之嫌？何况一般人事组织中，新领导人产生后，落选人心态、作为的调适，的确要如结缘训中指示的，颇符合现代管理学的原则。
Mom travelled to the foreign countries quite often since first visited Thailand. She therefore sought for a substitute to take care of Dao business when she was abroad. She once considered Mr. Chen but gave up due to many reasons. Instead, Mr. Lin took the vocation. This was processed confidentially due to its sensitivity. Only few people know. In the paragraph of mother’s advice to Mr. Chen mentioned the story and asked him to stick with everybody under Lin’s leadership. When the leader Dao Transmittance Master Huang doing the final inspection of the book, he corrected a character he thought it was due to a paronym error. A senior disciple close to Mom then asked Mr. Huang to change it back. Apparently Mr. Huang didn’t know the story even he was one of 5 leaders in Lin-Yin sector. How did the San-Cai know? The advices to Mr. Chen are to do with rebuilding team spirit when someone is promoted as a new leader. It looks like Mom is splitting the team if it’s another character. A sophisticated spirit is not likely to do that.
“KC速来几言劝 年轻有为奋发展”
KC是我大表弟。我的亲戚中只有二阿姨住北部，但两家极少往来，其他就都住南部。只有大表弟到北部读大学。他小时候生过大病，身子比较虚弱，妈自然就就近照顾他，也带他去求道，他也很发心、很虔诚，表弟妹中只有他跟妈很亲近。仪式当天我是在最前面，沙盘上的字看得很清楚。一开始因为字很潦草几乎都看不懂，但后来就都认得出来了。批到这里时，我一眼就看出在叫KC，而且“速来几言劝”意思是他人在场。我心里正想：“不可能呀！他如果来了，怎么会不来跟我打招呼呢？”正想着，只见KC从人群堆后面挤了出来。原来他迟到，进来时仪式已开始，所以没机会跟我打招呼，而现场人太多，我没看见他到了。开沙如果是假，三才怎么会知道这事呢？
The words San-Cai wrote are hard to recognize. When KC, my cousin’s name appeared, I could recognize the whole sentence. He was asked to come out to the front. I was thinking he would have waved to me if he came. I was sure he was not there. Surprisingly he came out of the crowd. I understood he was late for the ceremony so that he didn’t say hi to me when he came. San-Cai could hardly know that my cousin was there.
开沙结束后，慈恩大仙立刻借窍，苦口婆心要大家合作修办 (附注)。这是前所未见的，一般结缘都是开沙，慈恩大仙却开沙又借窍。我心理想，这可能是犯佛规的，妈妈在世时就很敢冲，只要她认为对的，佛规会先放一边。
母亲的这一生可说平淡无奇，甚至是饱受折磨。也许她不像一般的慈母，嘘寒问暖，但却足以庇荫我一生，让我有机会做个无愧于心的人。她在世时我不见得会珍惜她，去世后却让我惊觉她不凡的懿德。对她的思念之情与日俱增，母亲节变成一个我不敢过的日子。
Mother’s was nothing particular, except those sufferings. She never took care of us closely like ordinary mothers. However, I am a straight person without shame because of her. It’s my regret that I didn’t treasure her and express my love to her. But I suddenly admire her virtues after she passed away. I miss her too much to think of Mother’s Day.
注1、一贯道倡导“修天道由人道做起”，并且讲儒家应运，要我们用孔夫子的五伦八德等教诲去修身养性，善尽自己的职责，并且圆满与周遭人的缘分，成为一个受大家欢迎、敬重的人，则离圣贤菩萨境界不远。“存好心，说好话，做好事，渡好人”则是最浅显的准则。一贯道并且主张五教同源，认为众生因迷失于物质世界而痛苦轮回，创造宇宙的真宰不忍，于是派使者来渡化众人。五教教主都是它的使者，因当时众生根器、知见不同而方便说法，因而说法、修法或有枝节的不同，但殊途同归。因而一贯道信徒研习各教经书，并且排它性极低。
**1. Yi-Kuan-Dao disciples cultivate themselves by Confucius’ teaching mainly. A bad person can’t be a Buddha or Saint. We have to cultivate ourselves to be a friendly, respectable person. “Thinking righteously, saying good words, doing good things, introducing Dao to good people” is our slogan. Yi-Kuan-Dao also adheres to “5 major religions have the same origin.” We believe all the Saints were delegated by the mighty truth of the universe. They used the logics, cultivation methods that people surrounding him understood to teach them, pursuing the same final goal even with some different details. So we study books from all the saints and show minimum repellence to other religions.
注2、一贯道不是拜人而是拜佛为师，佛没有肉体无法言语，所以藉由修炼有术的人(三才，或称窍手)或口说或以沙笔书写垂训、教导门徒。三才一般是十几岁的女孩，在家长发心鼓励下，住到佛院中持斋、静坐、读五教经典、扫洒佛堂。一段时间后，心静得下、有佛缘的就会被仙佛附身，即所谓借窍。一种是直接说话，一种就是写字 (即所谓开沙)。开沙时是三个女孩一组，称作天、地、人三才。天才扶沙笔在沙盘上闭目横书 (眼睛紧闭，写的是草书，而且写字是转90度，写给在侧边的人才看。)，人才负责刮平砂盘及报字，地才负责纪录。
**2. Our Holy Teacher is Buddha, instead of a person. Ji-Gong can’t talk so he uses San-Cai to write, to speak. Normally a young girl can be trained to be San-Cai through many years cultivation in public temples. They must be vegetarian, live at the temple, study books of Saints, meditate and clean up the temple. When San-Cai writes on the sandy plate, eyes are closed and words are 90 degree rotated. Three girls as a group, one writes, one reads and scrapes the sandy plate, one records.
民间信仰亦有乩童扶銮，惟乩童不必吃素，有些也不必修炼就被神指定要担任乩童。推测应是天界善神，有些扶銮还会搭帮助道，指引信众求道。笔者的太太就读彰化县某高中夜间部时，有一次放学回家途中曾目睹她家附近观音庙的乩童，晚上在庙口喝茶聊天，突然起乩冲了数百公尺去救一个被歹徒强压在臭水沟中，差点就被强暴得逞的夜归女孩。
就是因为一贯道中的借窍归空后身软如棉等显化，才使信徒很快确认人真有灵性的存在，而茹素并发心修办。短短数十年已由台湾传到全球75国！但仙佛不断告诫我们，借窍是不得已的手段，要我们认理实修，是道则进，非道则退，不要产生法执。